Chapter One
The light from the setting sun was already dim, but the
moment his lips touched mine it seemed to fade away completely, darkness
consuming me as the sensations evoked by his kiss overwhelmed my mind. It was a fleeting touch at first, his
lips barely brushing against mine, but then he was back for more, his mouth
clamping over my own, his tongue delving between my teeth. As his hands slowly slid down my spine I felt a surge of electricity
rush through me, a spark I’d felt the first time we’d kissed, a spark that
hadn’t diminished in the eight months that had passed since.
I groaned as his hands slipped beneath the back of my
shirt, my body shuddering as the fingers of his left hand slipped beneath the
waistband of my trousers, delving down until they brushed against my crevice. His right hand travelled up my back,
exposing my flesh to the cool October air, but I didn’t care. His touch was enough to keep the cold
at bay, summoning a fire within me that filled my body, a fire that burned
furiously in my loins as he pulled me against him.
I stood powerless in his grasp, my body, my heart, my
mind, all surrendering simultaneously as his tongue caressed mine, as his
sweet taste flooded my mouth. In
that moment I was lost, the world around me seeping away into oblivion. No longer could I hear the birds
singing their evening melody, the waves crashing against the rocks, the frigid
wind whistling as it jarred the naked treetops.
No longer could I smell the sweet scent of cinnamon that had flooded my
nostrils the moment I’d arrived at his house.
All I knew was him, his touch, his taste, his scent and the sounds that
emanated from him as he kissed me, the gentle guttural groaning he made as his
tongue explored my mouth, as his hands caressed my body, as desire overcame us
both.
His right hand moved slowly up my back, his touch
evoking a myriad of euphoric sensations, but when his fingers brushed against
the back of my neck I felt as though the ground had crumbled beneath me, as
though I was floating on a sea of bliss.
I felt my legs weaken, my body falling hard against his, our bodies
meshing together. He grunted, but
he supported my weight, holding me up as though it was no effort at all. For my part, I tried to stand upright
again, tried to summon strength to my legs, but as I’d fallen against him I’d
felt his hardness against my hip and I could do nothing that would rob me of
that feeling.
It pressed against me hard, grinding against my leg,
that sensation alone enough to bring me to the brink of ecstasy. My own erection swelled uncomfortably
within my shorts, but just when I thought I might explode he stopped, his
mouth leaving mine, his hands abandoning my flesh, his warmth, his touch, his
body all departing me. I sighed,
opening my eyes as he stepped back, the disappointment I’d felt at the
abrupt end to our kiss evaporating as I saw the smile on his face and the love
in his eyes.
“Does that answer your question?” Kyle asked me,
winking seductively.
“Huh?” I responded dumbly.
“We were talking about the party tomorrow night,” he
laughed. “I said I couldn’t
go and you asked if I was ashamed to be seen with you.”
“Oh yeah,” I nodded, the reminder dulling the
blissful memory of his kiss. “I
guess it does, but still…are you sure you can’t make it? I mean, even if you came for just an
hour…”
“Ethan,” he sighed, shaking his head firmly. “Babe, you know I’d be there if I
could, but I’ve already told you my Dad’s taken a few days off work and
that means…”
“…family time,” I finished for him, spitting the
words out like they were laced with poison.
“I know it’s important to your Dad, but he’s a reasonable guy. Maybe if you explained…”
“I can’t,” he said, taking my wrists and holding
them firmly. “And to be
completely honest, even if I thought for one minute he would agree, I still
wouldn’t ask him. You know what
his work schedule’s like. He
works so far away he has to stay in the city all week and on those weekends he
does get home he’s too busy catching up on his sleep or doing work around
the house to spend any real quality time with us. Every month he takes a few days off
work to spend with us and I really enjoy it.
I don’t want to give it up for the sake of a stupid party.”
As he’d spoken I’d been looking out over his front
garden, at the tidy flowerbeds and the neatly trimmed shrubbery. I’d been staring at his front door
just a few feet away from us, wondering if the sweet odour of cinnamon was a
sign that my boyfriend’s mother was baking more of her famous cinnamon and
lemon cookies. I’d glanced at
his father’s BMW in the driveway, wondering if I would ever own a car as
nice as his. I’d watched the
cloud of silvery vapour that slipped from my lips every time I exhaled,
wondering if this October was colder than others I remembered.
It wasn’t that I was ignoring him, just that I’d
heard the speech many times before, a speech he’d given me whenever I’d
complained about the three or four evenings a month we were unable to spend
together. I understood that his
father worked hard running his business in the city and Kyle barely got to
spend any time with him, but the idea of being without him, even for the
shortest of times, hurt. It was
only when he made reference to the party that my attention snapped fully back
to him, my eyes widening like those of a preacher who’d just heard a member
of his congregation uttering blasphemy.
“Stupid party?” I yelped, almost choking on
the words. “I’ll have you
know that Andrew Hayden’s Halloween Party is the social event of the year
for kids at our school.”
“Unfortunately,” he sighed. “Perhaps if there was more to do then the gossips would have
something better to do than…” He let his voice trail off, shaking his head
sadly and sighing again.
“Have they been giving you trouble?” I asked him, my
outrage forgotten, replaced by concern.
“Not really,” he answered with a brave but
unconvincing smile. “Teddy
Rainer and his knuckle-dragging cohorts have been their usual pleasant selves,
but I can deal with them. What
gets to me are the whispered conversations that stop whenever I get close and
the glares I get whenever people think I’m not looking.”
“People will lose interest eventually,” I told him,
taking his hand and stroking it reassuringly.
“Just give it some time.”
“Shit,” he grimaced.
“Listen to me. I’m
going on about a few dirty looks when it’s much worse for you. Sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” I smiled at
him. “And I wouldn’t say it’s
worse for me.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” he replied, leaning
into me, “but I would. My
parents have accepted I’m gay whereas your parents…well, they’ve hardly
been supportive. And the people I
called friends before we came out are still friends now, but Craig and Adam,
your two closest friends, they’ve treated you like…”
“They’re just hurting,” I told him.
“Don’t start apologising for them again.”
“I’m not,” I replied. “It’s just…well, you’ve got to
see it from their point of view.”
“I’m not sure I can get my head that far up my arse,”
he sneered.
“We’ve been best friends for as long as I can
remember,” I continued, ignoring his comment.
“When Craig’s dad started drinking and hitting him and his Mum, he
told me and Adam about it long before he would admit it to anyone else. When Adam was being bullied by Rainer
and his gang, he came to us. Those
guys have told me things about themselves I doubt they will ever share with
anyone else, but I couldn’t tell them I’m gay.”
“They’ve got to understand how hard it was for you,”
Kyle responded. “It wasn’t as
if it was easy for you to deal with.”
“I know,” I nodded, “and you’re right, but at
the moment they’re not ready to think about that. All they see is that I’ve hidden a
part of myself from them, that I didn’t trust them enough to tell them. That’s why this party is so
important. I know they’ll be
there and it’ll be my chance to show them I’m still the same person they’ve
always known and maybe, just maybe, they’ll listen to me long enough to let
me explain.”
“And what would you tell them?” he asked me.
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I suppose I’d say that, as stupid
as it was, I was afraid they’d hate me as much as I hated myself when I
first realised I was gay. Fear
can make people do stupid things. In
my case, it made me question my trust in my two best friends. Maybe they never gave me any reason to
believe they would accept me or maybe I was too filled with self-loathing to
believe anyone could accept me for what I was, but by the time I came to terms
with my sexuality it just seemed easier to keep quiet about it.
“Sure, I hid a part of myself from them, but I didn’t
do it because I didn’t trust them, I did it out of fear. I was afraid they would look at me differently or treat me differently. I didn’t honestly believe they would’ve
rejected me, but there was still a part of me that feared they would and that
part was enough to make me think…you know…why risk it? Am I making any sense?”
“Mostly,” he said with a reassuring smile. “I think all you can do is be honest
with them and hope they’re the people you believe them to be.”
“I guess,” I nodded.
“Do you ever regret coming out?”
“I’d be lying if I said no,” he confessed. “The gossiping has been getting to
me and it’s hurt me seeing how your parents and friends have treated you,
but it’s only been eight weeks. As
you said, people will lose interest eventually.
Either they’ll accept us or not, but after a while they’ll find
some other ‘scandal’ to talk about.”
“Not everyone, though,” I sighed. “I don’t see my parents changing
their minds. I hope Craig and
Adam do, but it will still always be there.
As for Teddy Rainer and his lot…they can huff and puff all they like,
but like all bullies, they’re all mouth and no trousers.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Kyle cautioned. “I heard some people talking about
how Rainer was bragging that he was going to ‘sort us out’.”
“As I said,” I grinned, “all mouth and no
trousers.”
“All the same,” he said with a hint of urgency in
his voice, “watch out for him at the party tomorrow night.”
I was about to tell him to stop worrying, that I could
take care of myself, when the front door of his house swung open. Kyle’s father stepped onto the
threshold, turning immediately towards his son with stern eyes.
“Kyle, dinner’s ready,” he announced.
I frowned at him. I
could understand why he wanted Kyle inside and at the dinner table in time for
his evening meal, but something in his eyes perturbed me. Gerry Young was an amiable man, an
easy-going man whose company I’d always been comfortable in. Even when Kyle and I had come out to
him, told him we were a couple, he hadn’t raised his voice once, just
discussed the matter calmly with us, assuring himself that we were certain of
the feelings we had for one another. Perhaps
that was why I was so unsettled by the agitation I saw in his eyes as he
looked at my boyfriend.
If Kyle saw it, however, he gave no indication as he
turned back towards me and planted a quick kiss on my lips.
“See you at school tomorrow, babe,” he sang at me,
casting a quick eye over the last remnants of the sunset before hurrying away
from me, slipping past his father and disappearing into the house.
I stared after him, immediately feeling the emptiness
that seemed to consume me whenever we were apart, wishing for one last glimpse
of his sweet smile and tender eyes. Though
I knew we would only be apart for a matter of hours, those hours felt like an
eternity, an eternity in which I would feel as though a part of myself was
missing, lost until he we were united and I could feel whole again.
“It’s getting dark,” Gerry said, breaking me from
my mourning and reminding me of his presence.
“Would you like me to call you a taxi?”
“No thanks,” I replied, forcing a grateful smile. “I’ll walk home. The exercise will do me good.”
“Fair enough,” he nodded. “Goodnight Ethan.”
“Goodnight,” I replied.
Chapter Two
I’d been walking for only a couple of minutes when I
began to regret declining Gerry’s offer to call me a taxi. Even before I’d reached the end of the driveway the sun bade its
final farewell to the day and just moments later the last vestiges of light
began to fade into blackness. The
night was closing in on me fast and I knew the sky would be dark before I’d
completed even a quarter of my journey. Part
of me wanted to turn back, to return to my boyfriend’s house and tell his
father I’d reconsidered, but I knew I wouldn’t do that.
Quite simply, I was afraid of looking like a scared
little child in the eyes of Kyle’s parents.
I knew it was foolish to think they would regard me that way, but even
so, I wasn’t going to turn back. Besides,
the moon was full and the sky was cloudless, so I knew there would be enough
light to guide me on my way home. It
was the cold that bothered me, the savage wind that swept in from across the
sea, the biting chill that caused me to pull my coat tight around my body.
I hesitated as I reached the path that led from the main
road, a path I knew cut through the expanse of woodland that separated the
coastal road I was on from the rest of the town. I glanced at it, debating whether to leave the road and walk amongst
the shadowy trees or continue around them. I knew that the distance through the woods was less than a mile, that I
would be through in perhaps ten minutes, that the coastal road was a journey
of over three miles, but still I couldn’t bring myself to stray from the
brighter, less imposing path. I
continued onwards, mocking myself for not taking the easier option, for
allowing fear to keep me from taking the faster route.
By the age of five or six, there wasn’t a child raised
in the town who didn’t know the legend of the Beast of Gallows Point. If their parents had spared them from
the terrifying tale, they would certainly hear it at school. The story varied depending on who was
telling it, but in every version there were certain elements that never
changed. In every story there was
a beast that stalked the woods by night and a warning that any who entered the
woods after dark did so at their own peril.
Of all the versions I’d heard, the one I liked best
was told to me by my Great-Aunt Ruth. According
to her, the beast was no tangible creature, no actual living being, but the
ghost of a man responsible for a series of grisly murders in and around the
town in the late seventeenth century. His name, she’d told me, was Edmund Haggett, a wealthy landowner who
killed eleven local women before a group of local men put a stop to his
nefarious ways. One night the
men, mostly husbands and fathers of the murdered women, caught Haggett as he
was about to claim his twelfth victim.
They took him deep into the woods, to a clearing not far
from the bluff, tied him to a post and burned him alive. It was said that with his last breath
Haggett cursed the town, swearing that never again would the townsfolk sleep
soundly in their beds, that death would not stop his murderous rampage, that
he would butcher any who entered the woods after dusk.
Of course, in other versions of the tale the beast was a
hellhound, a black dog that haunted the woodland. In others it was a freak that escaped when a carnival visited the town
in the eighteenth century. Some
even claimed it was a demon summoned by Simon Addison, the great-grandson of
the man who founded the town, a practitioner of Satanism who was hung in the
market square by the townsfolk in 1684. Whatever
the real source of the legend, two things were absolutely certain – no one
in their right mind believed the myth and no one who’d heard it ventured
into the woods after nightfall.
The beast was just one of many dark legends the town had
to offer, one aspect of a supposedly gruesome history told and retold by the
generations who lived and died in the otherwise unremarkable coastal hamlet,
but it was undoubtedly the most popular myth.
There wasn’t a corner of the town untouched by sinister and magical
lore, from the ghost that purportedly walked the school halls to the water
wraiths that lurked beneath the surface of the river. I believed none of it, of course, but even so there was no way I was
going to venture into the woods.
I told myself it would be too dark beneath the shadowy
canopy. I would trip and fall,
break an ankle in the gloom. I
told myself that while I had no fear of any beast hunting me down, there were
other, very real threats that were best avoided. There were wild animals living in the
woods and by night it was their domain, their territory. Though sticking to the main road
significantly lengthened my journey, I knew I could rationalise my decision
without contemplating the stories that had terrified me as a child.
Shaking my head, I turned my eyes towards the heavens,
gazing at the ocean of stars above me and the pockmarked silvery disc that lay
amongst them. As I gazed up at
them I found myself wishing that Kyle was with me, his hand in mine as I
walked, his touch filling me with warmth.
I could picture the scene in my mind.
We would be strolling along together, staying close, huddling for
warmth, stealing the occasional kiss, saying nothing, yet in our silence
saying everything that needed to be said.
There would be no need to hurry. In spite of the cold and the dark, neither of us would be in any rush,
just content to share the experience, the time together. It was always like that with him. It didn’t seem to matter what we
did, where we were or what we talked about, we were just happy being in each
other’s company. When I was
with him it just felt so right, so perfect, as though nothing in the world
mattered, as though nothing could touch us.
Perhaps that was why I thought coming out would be so easy.
I winced as I recalled how Craig and Adam had reacted
when I shared my secret with them. We’d
come out to Kyle’s parents first, both of us almost certain that they would
accept us and though our conversation with them had gone on longer than either
of us had expected, neither of us were disappointed. My parents were next and again their
reaction was just as I’d predicted. My
father had looked at me as though I was something foul he had just trodden in
while my mother promptly burst into tears, announcing that she would never be
able to show her face in public again.
My parents had calmed down eventually. Neither of them had accepted my
sexuality and I knew that neither would, but we had come to an understanding
of sorts. I would never speak
Kyle’s name in their presence, never bring him to the house, never show any
sign of affection towards him in front of them and in return they would feed
and house me until I was eighteen, perform their parental duties. I hated the fact that they couldn’t
love me the way Kyle’s parents loved him, but I accepted it.
Craig and Adam were the next people I told. I took them aside after school one
day, took them both to the park so that we could speak alone, without
interruption. At first they were
shocked, stunned, but I saw no trace of anger until I told them that I was
with Kyle. I knew in my heart
they could accept my sexuality and I knew they had no problem with Kyle, but
the fact that I’d kept my secret from them for so long, that I’d known
long enough to start a relationship with another boy, that hurt them.
I could understand it.
Though I didn’t truly consider it a betrayal of our friendship to
keep my secret, I could see why they felt differently. I could forgive their anger, forgive the harsh words they’d spoken
that day and ever since, forgive the pain their reaction had caused me, but I
wasn’t sure if they could forgive me, if they could see past their anger and
understand how difficult it was for me to tell them.
The sound of a car engine shook me from my thoughts. I turned, glancing over my shoulder as
the car sped towards me, its headlights on full-beam, dazzling me, blinding
me. I stepped off the road,
groaning as my feet sank into the soft, moist mud that caked the verge. I turned back to the car, scowling at
it as it approached, pulling my coat tighter around my body, shuddering at
sudden rush of icy air that swept over me as it flew by. I sighed, staring after it, expecting to see it disappear around the
corner, but instead the night was filled with sound of tyres screeching
against the surface of the road.
The car skidded to a halt a couple of hundred yards
ahead of me, its brake lights gleaming in the darkness, flooding the night
with a blood-red glow. I sighed
again, even shaking my head a little, certain that the driver had taken the
wrong exit off the motorway and had stopped to ask directions. It was a fairly common occurrence,
something I’d experienced more than once during the summer as I’d walked
back from Kyle’s house. I
stepped back onto the road, intending to jog over to the car, to do my ‘good
Samaritan’ routine and cheerfully direct the bewildered motorist back to the
main road, but as I began moving towards the vehicle I heard its engine roar.
Once.
Twice.
I stopped, staring at it, watching as it sat there, its
engine revving. I didn’t know
what to make of it. At first I
stuck with my original theory, that it was a lost motorist who had stopped for
directions. The revving, well,
maybe that was just his way of telling me that he was in a hurry, his way of
expressing his impatience as he waited for me.
I shrugged, walking slowly onwards, moving cautiously towards him, but
with every step I heard a voice in the back of my mind screaming at me to turn
and run back to Kyle’s house.
I paused. I
don’t know what stopped me, but somehow I knew that something wasn’t
right. I couldn’t put my finger
on it, but there was definitely something wrong. As I stared at the car I felt the hair
on the back of my neck begin to rise. I
didn’t know why, didn’t understand it, but I felt an overwhelming sense of
danger, an almost overpowering urge to run, to flee, to get away from the car
as fast as I could. I took a step back, my heart pounding in my chest, my stomach
tightening, my skin tingling.
The car lurched backwards, its tyres screaming as they
span on the frosty tarmac, the vehicle shooting towards me in reverse. For a moment I just stood there
staring at it, too stunned to react, but as it drew closer I knew I had to get
out of the way. Still it took me
another couple of seconds to react, throwing myself to the side, back towards
the verge, my body clearing the road just as the car screeched to a halt a few
feet away.
I landed hard, the impact jarring my shoulder, knocking
the wind out of me. I was dazed,
unable to move, my lungs fighting to draw in oxygen as I heard the sound of
car doors opening. I lifted my
head expecting to see a stranger stepping out of the vehicle, perhaps a man
and his wife rushing from the car to help me, to apologise, but instead I
found myself staring up at Teddy Rainer, a broad grin plastered across his
face.
“Have a little trip, did we?” he sneered, closing
the front passenger door of the vehicle and leaning back against it.
I couldn’t respond even if I’d wanted to. I could barely breath. Instead I just glared up at him,
watched as two more boys moved to his side.
The driver of the car was the last to get out, shutting off the engine
and climbing unhurriedly from the vehicle, moving slowly around it, ambling
towards me. I recognised Teddy’s
older brother Ellis almost immediately, even though I’d seen him only a
couple of times in my life. He
smirked as he rounded the vehicle, a menacing glint in his eyes as he looked
down at me.
I shuddered, swallowing hard. I doubted if there was anyone at school who hadn’t heard of Ellis
Rainer. As a bully he made Teddy
seem like a lightweight, an amateur, a wannabe thug. I’d heard so many stories about his exploits during his time at the
school, many exaggerated, too unbelievable to accept as truth, but I didn’t
doubt that he was a vicious brute. I
knew for certain that he’d been expelled after stabbing another student,
that he’d spent some time in a Youth Detention Centre and that he’d
frequently been in trouble with the police ever since.
The rumours about him were plentiful. He was said to be a drug-dealer,
capable of supplying almost any kind of illegal narcotic. Some claimed he was behind an arson
attack on the school the year before I started there, though if he had been
responsible the police had never been able to prove anything. I’d even heard whispers that he’d
killed a man, dismembered his body and tossed the remains into the ocean,
though in all likelihood that was another fallacy created to make him seem
even more menacing than he already was.
“So, this is the fag, is it?” Ellis growled,
snarling at me ferociously.
“One of them,” his brother confirmed, stepping to
his side. “The other one lives
up the road.”
“So you’ve been takin’ it up the arse tonight,
have you?” Ellis scoffed. “I
thought you were walkin’ funny.”
“I don’t want any trouble,” I wheezed, pushing
myself up, attempting to stand.
I’d managed to get myself into a semi-seated position
when Teddy lurched forward, rushing at me so quickly I didn’t have time to
react, driving his foot into my stomach.
I managed to let loose a yelp before the blow once again forced the air
from my lungs, silencing me. I
curled my body into a foetal position on the ground, covering my head with my
arms, protecting myself from any further blows, but none came.
“What’s the matter?” Teddy barked at me, nudging
me with his foot. “Is the
girly-boy too chicken to fight back?”
“Of course he is, dumbass,” I
heard Ellis reply. “He’s a
pussyboy. A six-year-old girl
could kick his arse.”
“Yeah,” Teddy nodded.
“You’re right. Pussyboys
don’t know how to fight. Never
mind. We can still have some fun
beating the crap out of him.”
I winced, tensing my body, preparing myself for a
barrage of blows, but before the first could be delivered, Ellis spoke again.
“Get him on his feet,” he ordered. “We’ll figure out what to do with
him then.”
They were on me almost instantly, two boys, each one
grabbing an arm, wrenching me upright. They
pulled me to my feet, holding me, twisting my arms to ensure I made no effort
to break free. My vision blurred
for a few moments, my head swimming, but as Ellis moved towards me my vision
cleared. I could see him. I could see him standing less than six
feet away, Teddy slightly behind him, off to the side, both of them leering at
me, regarding me with ferocious pleasure.
I tried to conceal my fear, to look defiant, brave,
unperturbed, but from the look on their faces I knew that I’d failed. They could see the terror in my eyes
and they loved it, relished it, fed off it.
I knew they were going to hurt me, but what they really wanted was to
see me scared, see me shaking. They
wanted to feel powerful by making me feel weak and as much as I wanted to deny
them that satisfaction, I couldn’t.
“So what are we gonna do with him, Ellis?” Teddy
grinned, gazing expectantly at his brother.
“I haven’t decided yet,” Ellis answered, his eyes
fixed on my face. “What d’you
think?”
“I say toss him over the cliff,” the boy on my right
announced, his words causing me to shudder.
“Nah,” Ellis replied.
“We don’t wanna kill him. Besides,
it’s dark. We wouldn’t even
get to see him land.”
“I say we do what they used to do to fags around here
a couple of centuries ago?” Teddy suggested.
“They’d strip ‘em naked, drag ‘em to the centre of town, shove
a red hot poker up their arse then cut their balls off.”
“Bullshit,” Ellis responded, rolling his eyes.
“Well, p’haps not,” Teddy admitted, “but they
should’ve.”
Ellis shook his head, turning from me to his brother. “Y’know, sometimes I wonder if you
were adopted.”
“Hey,” Teddy protested. “I was…”
“Just shut up asshole,” Ellis instructed, grinning
menacingly at me. “I’ve got
an idea. Let’s take him into
the woods and have ourselves a little party.”
I began to struggle immediately, but as hard as I tried
I couldn’t break free. As they
turned me towards the trees I opened my mouth, intending to cry for help, but
before I could make a sound Teddy’s hand clamped across my mouth. All I could do was whimper as they
carried me from the roadside, carried me beneath the darkened canopy.
Chapter Three
I lifted my head, watching as they ran, listening to
their panicked cries as they fled. My
vision was still distorted by the tears that flooded my eyes, but I could see
it. Not clearly, but I could see
it, the black shape that bounded after them.
I could hear it too, its feet pounding against the ground so hard I
swore I could feel the ground shaking beneath me, a low, guttural growl
flooding the stagnant night as it chased them.
I lowered my head again, closed my eyes, listened to their frightened
shouting, their terrified screams.
It was music to my ears, the sweet melody of fear
emanating from boys who had sought to hurt me, to terrorise me, to humiliate
me. I smiled as I heard Teddy cry
out, a sob in his voice as he pleaded with his brother to help him, my smile
evolving into laughter as I heard Ellis let out a pained squeal, laughter that
lapsed into tears as I recalled their laughter as I’d made similar noises
just minutes earlier.
I threw myself backwards, my back, my head crashing onto
the carpet of fallen leaves, opening my eyes to stare through the barren
canopy at the ocean of stars above me, the only witnesses to my anguish. I wanted to listen, to hear the boys
being torn apart by the creature, but the sounds were drowned out by my
thoughts, by the memory of what they’d done to me, the feelings of
helplessness, hopelessness and vulnerability I still felt.
My whole body shook as I remembered how I’d felt as
they led me into the woods, how the fear had crippled me, prevented me from
doing anything but go along with them, do as they commanded, all the while
hoping to come out the other side unscathed.
They hadn’t taken me far from the road, perhaps a few hundred yards,
but the walk had seemed to last an eternity.
As they’d led me silently through the trees I’d had visions of
being made to dig my own grave, of kneeling in the hole, my body aching from
the strain, my hands caked in mud. In
my mind I’d seen Ellis step down behind me, gripping my hair with one hand,
jerking my head back before running a knife across my throat.
With every step I’d grown more and more convinced that
I would never leave the woods again, that my body would lie rotting in a
shallow grave, lost, forgotten. When
finally Ellis announced we’d gone far enough, I’d been ready to do just
about anything to ensure my survival. I
would have dropped to my knees, begged him, pleaded with him, licked the mud
from his shoes if that what it had taken to save myself, but as they’d
turned me to face him I’d seen in his eyes there was nothing I could say or
do that would make a difference.
For a moment, he’d said nothing,
just stared at me with those cold, unfeeling eyes, regarding me in a way I
could not adequately put into words, but it terrified me. He’d smiled at me as he plucked a
pack of cigarettes from his pocket, stepped towards me as he’d pried one of
the cancer-sticks free, his eyes boring into me as he’d flicked his lighter,
the flame filling the night with a fiery glow.
He’d taken a long, slow drag on the cigarette, his eyes never
shifting from me as he’d held the smoke in his lungs, his lips arching into
a smile as he’d leaned forward, exhaling the nauseating fumes into my face. He’d laughed as I coughed, as I choked, shaking his head as he turned
to his brother, as he uttered two words, two little words, that made me want
to cry aloud.
“Strip him.”
It happened fast. The
three boys set upon me like a pack of rabid dogs, their hands clawing at me,
fabric tearing as they fought to free me from my clothes, tossing garments and
shreds of garments aside. By the
time I found myself on my feet again every stitch of clothing from my body was
gone and my flesh was left exposed to the icy air, shivering, shaking as the
two boys either side of me held me up, held my arms.
In that moment I didn’t care that I was naked, that I
was frozen, that all four boys were leering at me, but as I remembered it I
felt my cheeks flush red with rage and humiliation. I sat up, sniffling as fresh tears
flooded my eyes, looking around in the dim silvery light for my clothes. I could see the remnants of my shirt
in three pieces strewn across the ground, the buttons glinting in the
moonlight. My shorts were in
tatters, both legs ripped apart, but the thick denim trousers I’d worn that
day seemed to be intact.
I reached out for them, plucking them from the ground,
wincing as my body protested against the movement. I dragged them over to me, determined that I would pull them on, find
my shoes and coat, then flee, run before they or the creature had time to
return, but as I slid my legs into the garment a throbbing sensation in my
abdomen reminded me of what they’d done next.
Ellis had stepped in front of me again, his eyes
trailing up and down my body, his hand reaching out to pat my shoulder before
he drove his knee up into my groin. As
I doubled forward he followed it with a blow to my stomach, his fist hammering
into me with a force I’d never believed another human being to be capable of
exerting. After that I don’t
know who hit me, only that I was lying on the ground attempting to shelter
myself from the torrent of blows that rained down upon me.
At some point I must have blacked out, for the next
thing I knew there was liquid running down my face, flowing over my cheeks,
into my ear, into my eyes, into my mouth and nose. The liquid had a slightly salty taste
to it, but it was not until I opened my eyes and saw Teddy urinating on me
that I realised what it was. I’d
gagged, bile rising in my throat as I turned my face away from the stream,
spitting to rid myself of the piss that had flowed into my mouth, struggling
not to think about how much I might have swallowed before I realised what was
happening.
“Welcome back,” I’d heard Ellis say, his voice
sounding distant, muffled. “Get
him up.”
Once again I’d felt myself pulled upwards, only this
time I whimpered, pain seeming to consume every inch of my body. My head was throbbing, my ribs aching,
my back screaming for mercy as I was yanked up.
I’d barely been able to hold my head up, the muscles in my neck
refusing to cooperate. My head
rolled from side to side as Ellis approached me, still sucking on that
cigarette, or perhaps another, grinning at me, a grin that told me my torment
was far from over.
I pushed myself to my feet, stifling a cry as my whole
body seemed to throb at once, reaching out to a nearby tree to steady myself. My legs felt weak, my knees ready to
buckle, but I knew I had to stand. I
couldn’t just lie down and wait for the pain to subside. I took a couple of deep breaths before
pulling my trousers up over my hip, my fingers trembling as I struggled with
the button. When it was fastened
I looked around again for the rest of my clothes, spotting my shoes a short
distance away. I walked slowly
towards them, my hand instinctively rising to touch the three small, circular
burns on my chest as I moved.
I could still hear the agonised scream that had gushed
from my lips as Ellis extinguished his cigarette on my chest that first time. I could still smell the odour of
tobacco and searing flesh that had flooded my nostrils. I could still hear them cackling like
demented hyenas as I’d sobbed afterwards and the incoherent words I’d
muttered as Ellis relit the cigarette. He’d
pressed it against my flesh twice more, creating a triangular pattern around
my right nipple, but each time my scream was more subdued than the time
before.
It hadn’t been enough for him. When next he lit the cigarette he’d aimed lower, towards my stomach
at first, ensuring I was watching it before he moved it downwards, across my
belly, continuing down. I’d
heard a sizzling sound as he touched it against one of my pubic hairs, my eyes
widening as they’d rose to meet his, to see if he really intended to do what
I believed he was going to do.
“Time for some barbecued cock,” he’d muttered, but
it was at that moment he’d heard it. We’d
all heard it, the low, rumbling growl.
I shuddered at the memory, shaking my head to rid my
mind of the image of the creature I’d seen.
Even the look of horror on Ellis’ face sent shivers down my spine. All the while he’d been torturing
and tormenting me I’d felt certain he’d never known true fear other than
in the faces of his victims, but as much as the sight of the creature
terrified me, seeing Ellis quiver like a frightened child, seeing his eyes
bulge, his jaw drop, his breath catch in his throat, for some reason that was
far more disturbing.
I pulled on my shoes, bothering neither with socks nor
laces, just anxious to get my coat and flee as fast as my battered body would
allow. Somewhere in the distance
I heard the sound of tyres screeching on the surface of the road, a horn
blaring as it tore off, though whether it was heading for town or the motorway
or whether all four boys had made it to the vehicle I had no idea. Part of me was excited by the idea of
Ellis lying dead, torn apart by the beast before he reached the road, but on
some deeper level the notion sickened me.
I hated him. I
hated him for what he had done to me, for what he had undoubtedly done to
countless others, but the idea of him being torn limb from limb did nothing to
satisfy me. I don’t know
whether it was because I found the fate too horrible or not horrible enough,
but either way I knew deep down that I hoped he’d made it, that he had
reached his car safely.
I shook my head, casting him from my mind, turning my
attention to finding my coat and fleeing before the beast returned. I spotted my jacket next to a tree
about twenty feet away. From
where I stood I couldn’t tell if it was wearable, but I knew I needed
something to wrap around my body, something to shelter me from the bitter
cold. I moved towards it,
groaning as my body continued to complain, every limb burning, every muscle
protesting, every bone aching, but a low, rumbling growl swept all thought of
pain from my mind.
I froze.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see it approaching,
a dark, shadowy figure, a beastly apparition unlike anything I had ever seen
before. I didn’t dare turn my
head towards it, fearing that any movement would alert the creature to my
presence, prompt it to attack. I
could see it looking at me, its eyes fixed on me, its motion carrying it
towards me, but still I remained motionless.
The beast continued its approach, moving slowly,
steadily towards me. As it drew
near its growling stopped, subsiding into soft, gentle panting, but even that
sound terrified me. I whimpered
as it came to a stop just a couple of feet from me, feeling its eyes on me,
knowing that it could see me, that it was aware of me, waiting for it to
attack. I flinched, as it sniffed
at my leg, preparing to run the moment it showed any sign of attacking, my
heart thundering in my chest, my lungs drawing air into my chest in slow,
quivering rasps.
I let out a yelp as the beast nudged my leg with its
nose, losing control of my body for a moment, taking a step away and spinning
around to face it. The beast
reared up, letting out a snarl as it raised itself onto its hind legs, as its
front legs dropped to its side like arms.
My eyes widened at the site, my mind refusing to comprehend what I was
seeing, but as I gazed at the beast I could think of just one word.
Werewolf.
I knew it was impossible, irrational, but as I stared at
the creature all rational thought departed me.
I couldn’t think of any other word to describe it. It at least eight feet tall, its body
covered in thick, dark fur from head to toe.
Long, menacing claws adorned its hands and feet, claws so powerful I
had little doubt they could easily rip through human flesh, perhaps even bone. The shape of its head resembled that
of a dog, a long prominent jaw, a rounded snout and ears atop its skull. As I stared at it the creature opened
its mouth, exposing its savage, canine teeth.
My legs buckled beneath me, my rump hitting the ground
hard. The beast took a step
towards me, in one stride standing over me, its feet either side of my knees. I scampered backwards, moving as
quickly as I could away from it, but the creature moved with me, toying with
me. I yelped as my back hit a
tree, turning my head to seek some other escape route, but in that moment the
beast dropped onto all fours, bringing its face, its menacing jaws, level with
my head.
I froze again, whimpering as its hot, fetid breath swept
across my cheek. I closed my eyes
tight as a deep growl emanated from the creature, tensing my body, preparing
for its teeth to sink into my throat. I
knew there was no escape, nothing I could do, just lie there and wait. I felt a wetness on my cheek,
something moving up my face from my jaw to my temple. I opened my eyes, whimpering as the
beast ran its tongue across my flesh, certain that it was tasting me before
tearing me apart, devouring me.
The beast whined. I
don’t know what it was in that sound, but something compelled me to turn, to
face the creature. As I gazed at
it I saw something in its eyes, something soft, something gentle, something
familiar. I frowned, still
afraid, but also confused. For a
moment I found myself wondering if it was not my flesh that it was after, but
my affection. The idea seemed
preposterous, but as I looked into its eyes I saw no malice, no savagery, just
an animal seeking attention.
I flinched as it moved its head forward, but instead of
biting me it closed its jaws, nuzzling its snout against my neck. I closed my eyes, slowly, hesitantly
raising my hand, my trembling fingers brushing against its coarse fur,
stroking the top of its head. The
beast seemed to sigh, to relax, its snout nudging against my ear in an almost
playful gesture. I opened my eyes
again, smiling softly, my fear ebbing away.
In that instant I felt safe, secure, the trauma of that evening soothed
by the tender touch of a beast I’d always thought mythical, a beast I was
certain could tear me apart in less than a second, end my life before I could
utter a single sound.
I sighed, continuing to caress my monstrous saviour, but
as I did so I saw something move, a figure stepping out from the shadows. I turned just in time to see Gerry, my
boyfriend’s father, a rifle in his hand, his weapon aimed directly at the
creature atop of me. I opened my
mouth to shout to him, to order him to lower his gun, but the words hadn’t
even begun to form when a deafening crack filled the night. The beast yelped, its body crashing against me, knocking my head hard
against the tree behind me.
My last memory as darkness swept over me was of a
coldness spreading over my body as the beast departed me, a savage snarl
resounding through the trees, then nothing.
Chapter Four
I awoke swathed in warm sunlight, but no longer was I
lying on a blanket of dying leaves, instead beneath a warm, thick blanket on a
blissfully soft mattress. For a
moment, as I stared up at the ceiling, I wondered if it had all been a
horrible dream, if maybe my journey home had been uneventful, but as soon as I
tried to raise my head I knew better. A
searing pain shot across my brow the instant I moved, my body aching,
throbbing, making me wish I’d just closed my eyes again and fallen back to
sleep.
I groaned, shifting my limbs slowly in a futile effort
to find a more comfortable position in the bed, but I knew the mattress was
not at fault, but rather the injuries that littered my battered bones. I closed my eyes again, hoping somehow
I would be able to drift back to sleep, but I knew immediately I could not. I sighed, resigning myself to the
discomfort, certain it would be days, possibly weeks, before I could lie, sit
or move comfortably again.
I ran my hand over my tender ribs, wincing as my fingers
met swollen, bruised flesh. When
I reached towards the cigarette burns I found the area covered by a bandage,
soft cloth covering the wounds held fast by some kind of tape. I frowned, realising my body was not
as it was when I’d lost consciousness.
My trousers and shoes had been removed, leaving me naked beneath the
blankets, and I could feel bandages in other places, on my head, my hands, my
legs.
I opened my eyes again, glancing around the room,
half-expecting to find myself in a hospital, but instead I found myself in a
familiar bedroom. I knew it wasn’t
my own room instantly. The walls
were a different colour and the wardrobe I had was a freestanding one, not the
built-in closets I saw to my left. I
knew the room, but for a moment I couldn’t place it, couldn’t work out
where I was. It was only when I
raised my head, wincing as my back and neck protested, that I realised why the
room seemed so familiar.
Kyle sat at the foot of his bed, watching me, his eyes
tired, filled with concern, his brow deeply furrowed. He offered me a weak smile, a troubled smile, but it wasn’t until I
caught sight of myself in the mirror behind him that I could see why he seemed
so perturbed. A thick bandage
covered the entire left side of my forehead, but it was the right side of my
face that caused me to shudder. My
right eye was black, swollen, my right cheek engorged, my flesh coloured with
brutal shades of purple, red and yellow.
I groaned, reclining my head back onto the pillow, trying not to think
about the rest of my injuries, those hidden beneath the blankets.
“I’m a mess,” I muttered, my words barely
comprehensible, my swollen jaw preventing me from speaking clearly.
“Try not to move too much,” Kyle said in a low,
soothing voice, moving from the chair, walking slowly towards me, kneeling on
the floor beside the bed.
“How bad?” I asked, my eyes dropping down to
indicate I was asking about my other injuries.
“Nothing broken,” he told me. “At least, not as far as we can tell. You might have a couple of cracked ribs, so we’ll have to take you to
the hospital later. The burns on
your chest are probably the worst of your injuries. We’ve cleaned them up, but they’re gonna leave scars. The rest is really just bruising and
swelling. A few cuts and scrapes,
here or there, but nothing serious.”
“It feels worse,” I responded, this time managing to
form the words clearly.
“You’re gonna need to rest for a while,” he
informed me. “My Mum called
your Dad to let him know what’s happened.
She told him you were assaulted on your way home last night, but she
didn’t go into detail. To be
honest, I don’t think your Dad was particularly interested.”
“He’s an asshole,” I groaned. “Probably thinks I deserve it.”
“No comment,” Kyle muttered, but I could tell from
his voice he agreed. “Do you
feel up to talking about…what happened?”
“Teddy and his brother,” I answered. “A couple of their friends. They beat the crap out of me.”
“Did they…do…anything else?” he asked me
hesitantly.
I turned to him, moving my hand from beneath the covers,
reaching for his. “No,” I
assured him, stroking his fingers with my thumb. “I think maybe they would’ve done
more, but they were…interrupted.”
I flinched, once again wondering if my memory was real,
if perhaps they had done more and my mind had substituted the
experience for something equally horrific, but as I was contemplating the idea
Kyle removed all doubt from my mind.
“I know,” he sighed.
“I wanted to talk to you about that.”
“You saw it?” I asked, my eyes widening, my heart
quickening. “You saw the beast
too? I didn’t…I saw your Dad
but…you were there?”
“I was there,” he confirmed, releasing my hand and
leaning back, away from me.
“What is it?” I frowned, searching my memory,
struggling to remember what had happened.
I could see Gerry stepping out of the shadows, his rifle aimed at the
creature. I could hear the shot,
feel the impact as the beast crashed against me, as it departed my body. “Your Dad,” I gasped. “Is
he ok? Did the beast…”
“Dad’s fine,” Kyle assured me. “He just fired a warning shot into the air. You’re the only one who got hurt. He’s downstairs. He wanted to give us some space so we could talk. Baby, I’ve got to tell you…oh God…this
is so hard.”
“What?” I frowned, reaching out for him again, my
fingers brushing against his arm before he pulled away from me.
“The beast you saw,” he answered hesitantly. “Do you know what it was?”
“No,” I replied.
“I mean, I thought maybe it was a werewolf. I know that’s ridiculous…”
“It was,” he stated, his eyes fixing on mine,
displaying his sincerity. “Well,
to be more accurate, it was a lycanthrope.
‘Werewolf’ is a layman’s term, but essentially they’re the same
thing.”
“How…” I began.
“Just…let me finish,” he requested, taking a deep
breath before continuing. “I’m
sure you’ve heard a lot of crap about werewolves. Forget about silver bullets. They’re harder to kill than people
and most other animals, but shoot one enough times and it’ll die. You might also have heard that if a
werewolf bites you then you’ll become a werewolf too.”
I nodded.
“It’s rubbish,” he informed me. “Lycanthropy is a genetic disease past from parent to child. An infected person can bite you,
scratch you…hell, you can even have a blood transfusion from them and you
won’t get infected. It’s
something you’re born with.”
“Kyle, I don’t understand…” I started, but he
held his hands up to silence me.
“Please, baby,” he begged, a tear slipping from his
left eye. “I need to say this
now, while I’ve still got the courage.”
He paused, drawing in another long, deep breath before continuing. “The disease doesn’t manifest
until puberty. That’s when the
change begins. For three nights a
month they turn, becoming monstrous creatures…werewolves, if you like. At first the beast takes over and all
trace of humanity is lost from dusk until dawn, but over time it can be
controlled.
“Initially you’re aware of what’s happening, but
over time you can learn to control the savage impulses, the bloodlust,
becoming a human being trapped in a different shell, a monstrous form. Eventually the change can be suppressed altogether. When that happens the change can take
place at will, full moon or not, with the infected person in complete control,
but it takes time to get to that point. Years. Some never manage it, but I think I’m…”
He stopped, panic flooding his eyes as he realised he’d
said to much, revealed too much.
“It was you,” I stated, pushing myself up on my
elbows, oblivious to the pain. “Last
night…the beast…it was you.”
Kyle nodded, tears filling his eyes, his head bowing. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I know I should have told you
sooner…”
“Why didn’t you?” I demanded.
“I…Dad said I should tell you
when was sure I could trust you and was certain I wanted to spend the rest of
my life with you,” he answered.
“But you don’t trust me,” I
sighed. “Or maybe you don’t
think we have a future.”
“I do trust you and I know I want to be with you
forever,” he responded swiftly. “It’s
just…it’s like you said yesterday, about why you didn’t tell Craig and
Adam you’re gay. You said you
trusted them, but you were still afraid they would treat you differently and
that fear was enough to keep you quiet.”
“You were afraid I’d reject you?” I asked.
“No,” he replied, shuffling towards me. “I mean, I guess I was, but I
trusted you. I wanted you tell
you…I just couldn’t find the words. Please
don’t hate me. I know you
probably don’t want to be with me after this, but…”
“Who said I didn’t want to be with you?” I asked,
reaching out, brushing my fingers across his face.
“Then you do?” he asked, his eyes filled with hope.
“I love you so much,” I whispered to him. “I can’t pretend I’m not annoyed
you didn’t tell me sooner, but I guess I can understand. Hell, before last night I probably
would’ve thought you were crazy if you had said anything. As for what you are…I’m not going
to lie. I’m pretty freaked out
right now and it’s going to take me some time to deal with all this. I know I’m supposed to say I love
you and nothing else matters, but as true as that might be I still need time
to think about this, about us.”
“But there’s a chance you’ll be able to accept me
now you know?” he asked.
“There’s more than a chance,” I answered, stroking
his cheek. “I guess I should be…I
don’t know…horrified? All I
know is that when I looked into your eyes last night, when you were that…thing,
I didn’t see a monster. Maybe
on some level I knew it was you, but I felt safe. Scared shitless, but safe, if that
makes sense. I mean, you did save
me after all.”
“I guess I did,” he smiled.
“You didn’t…I mean…”
“They all got back to the road safely,” he grinned. “Ellis took off in the car, leaving
the other three to run down the road after him.”
“Good,” I sighed.
“I thought maybe you’d eaten them or something.”
“Ewww,” he grimaced.
“Credit me with some taste. I
may be a werewolf, but I’m a gay werewolf.”
I smiled at him, certain as I looked into his eyes that
no matter what, no matter how difficult it was, I was never going to let him
get away. “I love you,” I
whispered.
“Love you too,” he beamed. “So we’re gonna be ok?”
“We are,” I confirmed, “but baby, you’ve got to
be honest with me. There’s
nothing else you’re hiding from me is there?”
Kyle winced. “There is one thing.”
“What?” I asked, my heart
sinking.
“Cher,” he muttered. “I’m sorry baby, but I love her
music. I hid my CD collection
from you every time you came around, but if we’re being completely honest…”
“Shit,” I sighed. “You know, I could probably have
dealt with all the werewolf stuff in time, but Cher…I’m sorry, but you’ve
just pushed me too far.”
